I hate being a big sister sometimes...

I want so badly to shake my siblings and make them come back to reality but I can't and I fear I will never get my family back.

I am so disappointed in both of them right now and it really hurts my heart to know that they won't be changing anytime soon, if ever.

I miss my siblings and sometimes feel like I'm the only one who cares at all.
My brother is 12 and going through some things with trying to figure out who he is and who he wants to be. He only sees the glories his dad can pretend to give him. He doesn't see anything realistically and that scares me.

His whole life we haven't been able to show him the true side of his dad. But I guess he will have to fight that battle on his own as it comes. I just hate sitting back and watching. Although if he turns out like his dad... well... God bless his soul. But I cannot bear the day if that ever happened. Not to mention what I'd want to do to his father for letting that happen.

I have been there too. Every kid from divorced parents thinks the grass is greener on the other side one time or another. But usually, it isn't. And in this case, the grass is not only not greener, it's also full of poisonous mud.

As for my sister... well...

I am the oldest of three. And although I haven't been the best big sister in the world, I'd like to think they USED to look up to me. I feel terrible that I have some how let them down and made them change.

I think sometimes, if only I had done a little more... would they have changed? Would they be different today? Would they be able to see all the struggle our mom has gone through in our lives and appreciate her for the good things, rather than focusing on the bad?

I admit, me and my mom have had our differences and have fought to the death. I used to have a terrible relationship with her. But guess what? About four years ago I got over it. And saw all the good. Saw the struggles and saw them for what they were.


Doesn't matter how good things look on the other side. It's the ones that struggle to feed you and cloth you and put a roof over your head that deserve the most respect. It breaks my heart to see my mom so hurt by all this. But all I can do is wait for the day that they can grow up too and see how ridiculous they are being.


My mom is not perfect. But no mom is perfect. And no matter how hard things are, you can always find someone who is going through worse. And you need to respect that and appreciate things for how they are. Yes, we had hard parts of our childhood, and yes too many of them, but we didn't have the worst.

Sometimes you just need to grow the hell up, stop holding ridiculous grudges and get over yourself.  And if all else fails, keep your thoughts to yourself and just cut yourself from the situation completely.

I don't get along with my dad's wife... and four years ago that caused a lot of problems with me and her and also my dad. But what did I do? I left and yes I do talk to my dad every now and then. But do I talk to his wife? No. Do I talk about his wife? No. Do I try to start bullshit drama with his wife? No. I think the most I've spoken to her in the last four years was just a couple words. And it's been good for us and the ones around us.


I wish my disappointment meant something to my brother and sister but it probably never will.